Last night I was doom scrolling tik tok and came across a video that stopped me in my scrolling tracks.  I didn't save it and I wish I had. It showed 9 types of Christians when they meet Jesus for the first time in heaven.  The video suggested some will bombard him with hugs, some will be "fancy" and kiss each cheek, some will be "aggressive" huggers picking him up off the ground in giant bear hugs, some will immediately start talking about anything and everything, etc.  The one that touched me most and I instantly knew I would be this one...the "bawler".  When I meet him I know I'll lose all composure and cry like a baby.  Magnificent tears of joy, gratitude, and this enormous love for him.  Gosh...Jesus bumps are forming on my arms right now as I type.  It's like that song, "I can only imagine".  

Before I became a Christian my heart was closed off and calloused.  I was arrogant, prideful and cold. Once I gave my heart to Jesus fully I saw the world through a different lense.  My heart saw people as who really they are...flawed, imperfect, hurting.  I knew then that I wanted to be the light to those struggling in their times of need.  But how does one transform into the person you're being called to be instead of the equally flawed version of the old you?

This is my absolutely favorite picture of my boys.  It doesn't show smiling faces or crazy antics.  It's a simple snapped shot I took of 3 brothers, linked together arm in arm, supporting each other, loving each other and enjoying the simplest of things life has to offer.  The boys had so much fun on that hay ride the that day.  The picture was taken the September before their Dad and I failed them.  

I can remember a time as a young woman in my early twenties, I was rigid and inflexible and NEVER open to any type of change or transformation in my life.  I loved my comfort zone and fought tooth and nail to keep everything consistent and steady.  I'd shrink myself to fit in or I would steam roll others to ensure things stayed exactly the way I wanted.  I had to control every single outcome.  It was exhausting.

If you saw my post from last night, you witnessed the side of me that I'm not proud of.  The human, angry, somewhat disrespectful side. I may be part of the kingdom of God, but I come from the "south-side" of the kingdom.  I used the words from the bible to essentially berate some people.  That's not me and that negativity isn't what I want to put out into the world, especially not from this blog.  I rationalized it in my mind in the name of being totally "transparent", but that's not what I was doing.  So, that post has been removed.  I apologize to anyone who read that mess.  Instead of rehashing the disrespect and resentment, I'll just tell my part of the story that you didn't get to read.  Total transparency is being brutally honest about an entire situation and understanding that I won't always look like the hero in the end.  

Hey Gang,

The word GRACE has many different definitions and can be used in so many ways in the english language.  It can encompass a physical movement, a beautiful style and charm or even a prayer at meal time.  The definition I'm referring to is the divine action where it's freely given and represents love, mercy and isn't earned.  

"Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're gonna get."  This iconic phrase was spoken by the beloved character Forrest Gump back in 1994.  This specific line has been ingrained in my mind ever since and I've recalled it over the years when LIFE happens.  It popped up in my knoggin this morning as I was finding it hard to pray about recent events.   Well Forrest, I know you meant this to be a positive and inspirational quote, but I'm not feeling overly positive or inspirational today.  

I'm NO expert when it comes to all things related to love and dating these days.  I've often told my close friends that if you stick me in a room with 100 perfect men and one imperfect man, I'll pick the broken, unhealed one EVERY time.  I'm a fixer, a people pleaser, big hearted, deep thinking, anxiety driven, imperfect woman.  So, it would make sense that I always choose the one that needs "fixing".  Don't get me wrong, I realize that none of us are perfect.  It's just an analogy based on my past experiences with the opposite sex.  Like I said, I'm no expert in this field. I have, however, learned a few things since I started dipping my toes back into the dating pool.

Honesty Post...be forewarned...

Today is more than just a paid holiday, a day off work or a day of rest.  It's a day set aside to remember those that have sacrificed the most for our safety and freedom.  It's a day to remember those who gave all they had for people they never met.  A day to remember the families and friends that were left behind without them because their family members heroically chose put theirselves in harms way for us.

Well friends, I think it's time that I explain the reasons behind the name of the blog Blooming Wild Flowers.  More than once, I’ve been corrected because I misspelled wildflowers.  The latest instance came from my 15-year-old son.  Keep in mind, this is the kid that’s just barely scraping by in all of his classes in high school.  So, when he brought it to my attention, I was a little proud that he realized the word was misspelled, but also a little annoyed because why isn’t he applying himself more in school??  Boys!  Rest assured friends, the compound word was separated intentionally.