Having a conversation with a sweet lady a few weeks ago brought back a very vivid memory from my past. I'm going to warn you, this may be a little controversial or uncomfortable for some and this post isn't for everyone. Starting this blog, I knew I'd be very vulnerable and open about myself and it isn't always easy. My blog is to remind you that you aren't alone in the battles you face on this side of heaven. I'm sharing with you my experiences and what helped me. I'm not providing any medical advice to anyone. Always seek advice from a licensed physician.
Shortly after my husband and I separated, I started having a very vivid and dark reoccurring nightmare. I always dreamed that I was deeply in love with this mystery man. I can see his face, body build, everything to this very day. Things instantly turned very ominous in my dream. Almost like natural instinct, I'd start running and hiding from him the moment he'd stop smiling. His intention was to kill me. I knew what was truly in his heart...death and destruction.
Each time he'd eventually find me and I'd immediately forgive him for what he was about to do. Then I'd wake up before he took my life. I'd have panic attacks or be so anxious that I couldn't go back to sleep. This happened for weeks. Not every night, but most nights there I was, fighting for my life against the one I loved the most.
It's one of those nightmares that you try to forget. I hadn't thought about that dream until she brought up a similar one she was having. Over time, I was able to understand what my brain or heart was trying to work out in my sleeping state of mind. Our dreams/nightmares try to help us work out what we are struggling with in life.
It was one of the reasons why I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication. For me, my medication takes the edge of situations so I can think through them rationally. I'm not saying medication is for everyone. Prayer helps me more than the medicine these days. With that being said, I know me and I needed the medication before the nightmares or divorce.
Had I not been able to get my prescription, I'm not sure I'd be here. I couldn't handle many more nights of that dream. It was such a realistic and frightening dream. It mirrored my waking life. That's not a normal dream, friends.
I prayed before I called a DR. I was pointed to a Dr experienced enough to educate me, listen to me and prescribed me the right medicine. Not all are the same. I had to try a few options before landing on the medication that helps me.
If you're experiencing anxiety, panic attacks or depression, there are options for you. Therapy from a counselor (I recommend a faith based counselor), self-help meetings and conversations with a trusted physician are readily available at all times. I'm here. Contact me any time. I'm no counselor, but I am empathetic and willing to listen for as long as you need to talk.
Above all, God is ALWAYS readily available. I encourage you to have deep and honest conversations with him. Don't feel like you're less than or like you've failed. You haven't. The fact that you're fighting through proves just that. Don't suffer in silence. Life is hard and there's no need for it to be harder when there are so many non-habit forming options to help.
I truly love you all.
Kelley
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