The summer is flying by and I want it to slooooooooow down. I feel like I haven't had a chance to enjoy it this year. I miss those long summer nights sitting around a fire, listening to my kiddo strumming his guitar and the conversations filled with laughter from the friends and family surrounding the fire pit.
I'm at the age where I just want to soak up every minute of precious time with these beautiful people that invite me into their lives. I know most of my recent posts are about enjoying those around you, appreciating the people that love you and being present. I can't help it. I don't think it's about my age, but if I'm truly honest, the younger me took those in my life for granted. Maybe it is because of my age or being in the stage of my life where I am watching my loved ones grow older and realizing that not one second is expendable.
When we're young, we are so focused on falling in love and impressing others, when we should be looking inwardly and learning to love ourselves fully, deeply and completely. I wasn't mature enough to do that back in the day. It took some struggles, heartbreaks, walking away from ones that couldn't hold space in my life any more to find me. The person in the mirror before this last season wasn't loved by me like I should have. I love that girl now and I apologize to her for all the lies I let her believe for far too long.
As hard as it was at the time, letting go of the ones that didn't value me or used me for their selfish needs was the best thing I could have done for myself. I've learned what King Solomon meant when he wrote Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." I've been labeled so many things...dramatic, too much, crazy Kelley, "Cee You Next Tuesday", the big "B" word...on and on by the ones I chose to leave in the past.
Younger, immature me believed them. Older me, I own most of it and I'm okay with it. I'm not perfect, never have been and never will be. If I was dramatic or too much, it was because I cared more than I should have. Lessons learned. If I was crazy...well...I make no excuses....but more often than not, I was just reacting to the actions of an unapologetic person. I'm rarely the B or the C, but again, I think Morgan Wallen said it best..."If I'm the problem, you might be the reason".
The point I'm trying to make is two fold here: 1. Love and appreciate yourself before you ever try to love someone else. 2. Focus on the ones that love you for who you are. Pour back into those that unselfishly pour into you. Love comes in many shapes, forms and sizes. Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind!
If you find you're struggling to love yourself, I encourage you to write 3 things you love about yourself every day. Next, write down 3 things you're grateful for. You'll start to see your worth and believe the things you're writing down.
Above all, pray for yourself. God wants you to bring everything to him, including your insecurities. He wants to show you how much you are genuinely loved by him. He will speak directly to your heart and remind you that you're so beautifully and wonderfully made.
I'm here, too. I love you all so much. Reach out to me any time!
Kelley
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