Yesterday's devotional touched on the pain caused by a divorce or breakup. I wanted to show you how God helped me to change for the better, reflect on my shortcomings throughout my marriage and the blessings you receive through walking in faith and obedience. Today, I wanted to share with you the hard road I walked through giving forgiveness.
Ill never forget my conversation with God the day I finally forgave my ex spouse for the pain, suffering and bitterness I felt like he caused me and my children. In reality, his actions, while they did cause all of those feelings, were the only things he was responsible for. The anger and bitterness was my reaction to his action.
I was all the way down...deep in the pit of the valley. I saw no light, felt no joy and I was walking a dangerous path with anxiety and depression. I begged God for just a few seconds of relief so I could catch my breath. My kids were hurting and I couldn't focus on them for being so grief-stricken and caught up in the web of lies Satan was feeding me daily.
I was in a bad bad place. I began to believe all the lies being shoved down my throat...if I had only done more for him, why didn't I lose weight for him??, why couldn't I be a better mother to his kids. I was a useless waste of space. I had been discarded like a piece of trash and it was all my fault. Guess what friends...the Devil...he's a liar liar pants on fire!!!
God reminded me whose child I was and it was time to forgive my ex for his actions. I first had to learn how to release any and all thoughts of inferiority, negativity, worthlessness and realize that I wasn't the trash that came into my marriage. That was Satan. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more.
Then the Holy Spirit audibly spoke to me...it was supernatural and amazing. He told me forgiveness is setting yourself free from the bondage of the things weighing me down. It's 100% a choice we make and it is most definitely a divine intercession. Once I understood that forgiveness was for me and not the other person, it somehow just clicked. Then and there, I laid those burdens down at our Father's feet.
I chose forgiveness every day that I needed to, releasing my ex of all the hurt, anger, bitterness, financial changes, emotional changes, upheaval he caused my boys...all the things. Once I knew I had finally laid that burden down for the last time, I called my ex up and told him I forgave him. I was set free. The emotional baggage didn't disappear overnight but I could finally start the healing process. The peace God gave me during the difficult moments is honestly nothing short of a miracle.
If you find yourself where you just can't forgive, please take it to God. Let him take the heavy load from you. You deserve to allow yourself to forgive the one that hurt you. You deserve to experience true joy and happiness once again. Oh, and just incase you need reminding, your a child of God. You are perfectly and wonderfully made. You are loved and being prayed for.
Love you guys but God loves you more!
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