Struggle Bus...Ticket for 1

"Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're gonna get."  This iconic phrase was spoken by the beloved character Forrest Gump back in 1994.  This specific line has been ingrained in my mind ever since and I've recalled it over the years when LIFE happens.  It popped up in my knoggin this morning as I was finding it hard to pray about recent events.   Well Forrest, I know you meant this to be a positive and inspirational quote, but I'm not feeling overly positive or inspirational today.  

I've always considered myself as someone who can rally quickly amid adversity.  I'll be really honest...I'm not in the rallying mood right now.  Yes, I know that is a problem with my heart posture.  Yes, I know that Jesus is with me every minute of every day.  It's been a tough year, but I've been able to bounce back from circumstances pretty quickly.  Even though I know that the issue lies within me and I'm still being loved and protected by Jesus, I'm struggling to pull myself up by the boot-straps this morning.

Has anyone else ever experienced this type of doubt and uncertainty?  While some may believe I'm wallowing in self-pitty, that's only partly correct. My heart is heavy and a lot of the weight has nothing to do with events directly affecting my life right now.  I see close God loving friends struggling to overcome situations that they shouldn't have to face.  I don't understand the turn of events in their lives and I sense the pain they carry within.  I, myself, have recently experienced a setback, too.  I find myself asking God where he's at in the midst of all this chaos.  

You know, being a Christian in the world we live in is no cake walk.  Some days life just sucks and we can't put our "church faces" on.    Whether you had to make a tough decision that affected someone else or situations arise that you have no control over, it's hard to always stand firm on faith.  I feel such a desire to spend time with Jesus and talk through all the things going on around me, but I cannot find the words.  I know that he knows how I feel, he sees me for the person I am (warts and all) and he's still covering me right now.  Even when I want to be mad, sad and ungrateful, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's holding my flawed human heart in his hands.  

I'm just being real.  It's not pretty and I don't want to be in this space.  Right now, in this moment, I'm struggling.

I'm reminded that worship isn't always pretty.  Prayers aren't always beautiful words of poetic gratitude. Jesus doesn't expect perfection or fake performances and half-truths.  He wants real conversations with us.  You know, the kind where you ugly cry out to him,  full chest screaming releasing all of the anger, resentment, sorrow or feelings of the unfairness of it all to him.   He tells us to come as we are, regardless of what that looks or sounds like.  

This time, like all the times before, I need Jesus to take the wheel, tell me to put my big girl britches on, keep moving forward and remind me that not all chocolates are filled with coconut (gross!).  I sometimes need reminding that I'm his daughter, too.  Faith comes from believing in his promises with hope and thankfulness.  After all, 2 Corinthians 4:18 teaches us to fix our eyes on not what is seen in the physical realm, but what is unseen, because what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal.  His eternal love for us provides his protection, blessing, grace and mercy as he promised.  To reiterate his word, he instructs us that we are to walk by faith and not by sight in the following chapter of 2 Corinthians 5:7.   

Don't give up friends.  I'm not giving up, but I am having to talk myself off the "ledge" this morning.  The only way I can do that is to be still and allow God to work things out according to his will and for his glory.  Thank goodness our Father doesn't expect perfection, just obedience and to stand firm on his promises with faith. Through that, we find our hope, strength and his loving goodness.

I pray that you aren't feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders today.  I pray that you can look past the disappointment and realize everything is in God's timing and part of his divine protection.  I pray that you keep your eyes focused on Jesus during these moments and remain in faith that he is working out all things for the good.  

Right now, I ask for prayer for anyone going through a rough patch.  All my beautiful prayer warriors out there know how to lay the intercessory smack down on us fickle Christians.  At the end of the day, I'm good, not perfect - just human.  When I started this blog, I promised total transparency.  I hope if you're riding the struggle bus with me, pray for the strength to keep moving forward.  You aren't alone in the fight and the Holy Spirit will intercede during prayer for us when we can't.  I'm so glad to be part of the "Cool Kid Jesus Loving Club".  Thank you all for your love, support and prayers.

Love,

Kelley

Verses Jesus shared with me over the last few months - He's mysteriously wonderful that way:

Exodus 14:14 -  "The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still"

Psalm 46:10 - "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth"

Isaiah 40:31 - "...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 60:22 - "When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.  You don't need to force what I already prepared"   (SIDE NOTE:  This verse has been following me around like a duck on a June bug for 7 MONTHS NOW - wonder if he's reminding me to be patient and trust his timing???)